Where you can read the relatively rational ramblings of a silly half-monkey, half-boy. This freak of nature is named Joel. He also responds to the name 'Bart Wang'.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

I got my first speeding ticket today. Don't I feel like a chump? Yes, I do. I was on my way home (early, I might add) from a call and there's this section of road along Queenston Road that's three lanes wide and it was only myself and another car. I just I let my foot do what it normally does on that section of road and apparently I made it up to 80 when I was supposed to be doing 60. Blast it! He wrote the ticket at 75 instead of 80 so there are no demerit points and the fine is $52 - which somehow includes a $10 service charge. Bastards. It's like kicking me in the shins right after kicking me in the nuts - unnecessary and I can't protest. That'll teach me. My clean driving record is shot. Dammit!
On a very expensive note, I start my process of de-hairing my face tomorrow. If I didn't tell you, I'm having laser hair removal done on my face (the neck hair line) and back of my neck. Yeah, unlike Baloneyhead, I'm not down with the caveman look with hair growing down my shirt. I can't wait until the hair stops growing!!! Imagine the freedom - what am I going to do with that extra 5 minutes I usually spend trying to shave that area? Hot dang!

Sunday, April 27, 2003

'Pigeon Jimmy John is the new James Bond!' And he's playing my hometown next week. Sweet can. I was driving all the way to Belleville to see him but now he'll be at the Underground in Hamilton. Dope. For those who don't know, Pigeon John is a member of my favourite hip hop crew, L.A. Symphony. I hope you'll be joining me!

Monday, April 21, 2003

Busted! Yeah, my wallet was stolen. I called the security department at Wal-Mart today and they have the whole nasty, stupid incident on video tape. I put my wallet down on the counter and some woman picked it up. I knew I didn't lose it. I'm praying that she'll return it but I doubt it. After all, why would you take it when you could just give it to the cashier and say that someone left it there? Or that person was within earshot to call to and have them come back? Violated. I feel so vulnerable. Blast it. It's my fault.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

The worst possible thing happened yesterday. If it's not the worst, it's near the top. My wallet was lost/stolen. I'd just say lost but it happened and I realized it within 5 minutes and when I retraced my exact steps, it was nowhere to be found. As well, no one turned it in. I'm going nuts because it had all my I.D., a fair amount of cash and keys to my house and car. Crap. Please pray. My blood pressure doesn't need to be any higher.

Friday, April 18, 2003

I stayed home last night. I was dead tired from a long, mentally-fatigued day at work. I think of the guys I met wanted to kick my ass. No, actually, I know he did. I think that guy was close to getting assaultive. Thanks to God for giving me courage and not flinching. I think if I would have shown fear, he would have caused some damage to my face.
I ended up not driving to Buffalo to see Damien Jurado, Adam Voith and Dave Fischoff. It's one of those choices that is difficult to make for me because I wanted to meet Adam and hear Damien. It's rare that those folks are close to my house. Oh well. I needed the sleep. And we watched the second episode of Dawson's Creek. Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

It was my birthday on Sunday. Yay, birthday! We had a party at Belly's house on Saturday, which was fun. Melanie is the coolest and most kind person in this hemisphere. She made all sorts of goodies, spent a ton of money and didn't ask for anything. Thank you, Melanie!!
It's a long weekend, folks. How are you going to use it? I'm going to Buffalo tomorrow night to see Damien Jurado, Dave Fischoff and Adam Voith. I'm excited. I hope work goes well and I don't have to stay late.
I'm beat and I'm going to read. I'm reading an interesting book that critiques recent trends in Biblical criticism such as the Jesus Seminar. That group of people, while possibly intelligent in some form, is unbelievably stupid.
On a final note, it looks like another 'zine will be emerging from the ashes and hopes of Building Adam. Potentially called 'Bottle Breaker' (thanks, Bill!). Got the idea while rocking out to the first Blenderhead record, which has a song by that name. I thought it was a great name for what we want the 'zine to be - speaking to our culture and our world in a way that is meaningful, knowing that we'll likely be shouted down or ignored. Peace.
"I'm just a bottle breaker, voice-raising fool. Who am I to ever think that I could be used by you? I've caused another fight and I know it's all my fault. You can hear me cuss and scream all the way down the hall."

I'd never flipped the bird to someone before yesterday. It happened in the car when I was driving along Mud Street. It's two lanes but the right lane has to merge to enter the Linc Expressway. Some dumbass is in the right lane, knows he's got to get over so he just comes over. He ignored the fact that I was basically right beside him. He was maybe one-third to one-half ahead of me (i.e., the front of my car was at the middle of his minivan). I slammed on the brakes, leaned on the horn and let him know that I thought his driving was the tops (#1). The jackass then sarcastically waved out the window at me. I was pretty dang close to following him when he exited the expressway but I had to be at Melanie's house. I called the cops and reported his aggressive driving ass. Hopefully he gets some sort of reprimand. Moron.

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Oh yeah, Summer and Mark had their kid early this morning. A 7 lbs. 7 oz. bundle of poop and barf to whom they have given the name Emma Jordan Fraser. Both mom and kid are doing well. Mark's managing too, I think.

What's worse - being sick or having to fart when you're with your girl? I'm not sure. I think the latter may cause the former, if you're not careful.

Yesterday's movie: Bollywood/Hollywood
Today's movie: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Friday, April 04, 2003

Another day off... That's right, I'm free of work for another 'snow day' of sorts. Only this hint of heaven was brought about by a wicked ice storm. Couldn't have happened at a better time. Sweet can. So I've flittered away my day thus far by messing around with some MP3s, making a new CD (now playing) and watching one of my old favourite movies, 'North Shore'. Did you ever see that one? It's grand. Had leftover wings for lunch. Damn, this is a good existence. I think I'll go grab a Cherry Coke to make it even better.

My housemates (the owners, Summer & Mark) are presently at the hospital. Of all days, they're inducing Summer today. If it hasn't happened already, sometime today will see the appearance of the new person who will live in the house. A baby. That's scary.

Speaking of babies, the song of the moment that I can't get enough of is 'Get Busy' by Sean Paul. Dang, that video is hot and hilarious. On top of that, the song is catchier than Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome.

I'll get back to 'North Shore' with my buddies, Rick, Turtle and Chandler. Hang ten, barneys!

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Tell me if you think the following ingredients would combine to make something healthy or not. Here we go...

Sugar, partially defatted peanuts, blend of vegetable oils (contains partially hydrogenated palm kernel and soybean oils), skim milk powder, dextrose, whey, corn syrup, salt, soya lecithin, carnauba wax, confectioner's glaze, colour, artifical flavour
Sounds good, don't it? Peanuts are good for you, as are vegetables (which I'm sure is where the oil came from since it has that name), milk and whey (all the bodybuilder's are using whey protein these days). This can't be that bad. You know what it is? Reese's Pieces eggs, in time for Easter. What better way to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus than with snacks. Ok, that's probably sacreligious. Mmmmm, sacrilicious.

A few years back I saw an ad in the paper for Laura Secord chocolates. I cut it out because it was so ridiculous. The advertisement actually stated, 'It wouldn't be Easter without Laura Secord.' It was then that I realized I'd been duped. Here I was, believing that Jesus had died for my sins, when, apparently, it had been Laura Secord all along that secured the forgiveness of God for me. Just when it seemed that the history books indicated that Jesus lived about 1,970 years ago and Laura Secord lived in the early 1800s, I found out it's all bogus. I should have looked to the chocolate companies - they'd never lie.
Isn't that the most mentally delayed ad you've ever heard? I'm so dismayed, I better turn on Oprah and Dr. Phil. They'll set me straight... Right, Bill?