Where you can read the relatively rational ramblings of a silly half-monkey, half-boy. This freak of nature is named Joel. He also responds to the name 'Bart Wang'.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Tell me if you think the following ingredients would combine to make something healthy or not. Here we go...

Sugar, partially defatted peanuts, blend of vegetable oils (contains partially hydrogenated palm kernel and soybean oils), skim milk powder, dextrose, whey, corn syrup, salt, soya lecithin, carnauba wax, confectioner's glaze, colour, artifical flavour
Sounds good, don't it? Peanuts are good for you, as are vegetables (which I'm sure is where the oil came from since it has that name), milk and whey (all the bodybuilder's are using whey protein these days). This can't be that bad. You know what it is? Reese's Pieces eggs, in time for Easter. What better way to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus than with snacks. Ok, that's probably sacreligious. Mmmmm, sacrilicious.

A few years back I saw an ad in the paper for Laura Secord chocolates. I cut it out because it was so ridiculous. The advertisement actually stated, 'It wouldn't be Easter without Laura Secord.' It was then that I realized I'd been duped. Here I was, believing that Jesus had died for my sins, when, apparently, it had been Laura Secord all along that secured the forgiveness of God for me. Just when it seemed that the history books indicated that Jesus lived about 1,970 years ago and Laura Secord lived in the early 1800s, I found out it's all bogus. I should have looked to the chocolate companies - they'd never lie.
Isn't that the most mentally delayed ad you've ever heard? I'm so dismayed, I better turn on Oprah and Dr. Phil. They'll set me straight... Right, Bill?


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