Where you can read the relatively rational ramblings of a silly half-monkey, half-boy. This freak of nature is named Joel. He also responds to the name 'Bart Wang'.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

A link a day will keep you on the Internet for an absurd length of time (just ask me)

Should I post an update? Yes. Will I? Of course. Is it now? Not exactly. What you will get are a lot of links and maybe a couple small forwarded messages of interesting reading material. I often read something and send the link to myself in order to post it on here and share with you, my friends. Of course, I have way more in my inbox than I have given you so I'm on a cleaning spree. If you have a few minutes, check these out.

Soren Kierkegaard - Fear And Trembling
Ben Tombs sent me this a long while ago. For a quick overview to see what you're getting yourself into, check out this summary. Then, here are some longer explications as well as the Wikipedia entry.

Bob Burnett - Why Don't Men Write About Abortion?
I arrive at the same conclusion as the author but for radically different reasons. And none of those reasons involve controlling people or harming them. In fact, I would argue that control over others and harm are two results of abortion.

Michael Schwalbe - Reproductive Freedom 101
Another article about abortion. See if you can keep up with counting the philosophically flawed and factually incorrect arguments (they come at you pretty fast). Much of what the author states are positions that have been dismantled with the slightest bit of reason. Unfortunately, many in the pro-choice camp keep pushing them and those in the pro-life gathering are not responding adequately.

Mark Denver - Nothing But The Blood
More and more evangelicals believe Christ's atoning death is merely a grotesque creation of the medieval imagination. Really?
Did I post this already? I can't remember. It's a good read and should challenge some thoughts, for those of you following Jesus.

Giles Fraser - Suffer Little Children
US evangelists are twisting the Bible to say that beating the young is a Christian doctrine
My thoughts and feelings about physical discipline/punishment are well-known to those with whom I have discussed this topic. I once held that physical discipline was a necessity with the support of God. After all, I was hit (on rare occasion with a paddle or wooden spoon, in fact) and I seemed to turn out alright. I know hold the exact opposite view and believe that such an argument (i.e., I'm ok in some frame of reference at this time so hitting me when I was young was an acceptable form of discipline) is weak/bad/wrong.

Amy Laura Hall - For Shame?
Why Christians should welcome, rather than stigmatize, unwed mothers and their children.

Stephen Colbert - Transcript of monologue at the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Back in April of this year, Colbert was all over the news for this brilliant chunk of mockery and hilarity. I cried as I read it and just happened to see it on CPAC while visiting Mike Vandermark in Toronto at his hotel room. It was a nutty coincidence. I was glad to have caught it because it was awesome.

David Adam - Royal Society Tells Exxon: Stop Funding Climate Change Denial
This applies to Esso as well, for those of us lucky enough to live in Canada. Don't get mad, Whitney. Hahahaha.

Video: Secret Wars Re-Enactment Society
This was wicked. It's funny even if you never liked comic books. It's just funnier if you did.

Preston Jones - Lessons From A Punker Ph.D.
Don't call my correspondence with Bad Religion's Greg Graffin a debate.
While the use of the word 'punker' made me skeptical that this would be any decent (really, does anyone familiar with punk rock use that term?), this is a keeper. Bill had actually heard of this book before I forwarded this and Bill has his finger on the pulse of what is cool. He's friends with me, after all. That's some reliable evidence, Jack.

Dale Gavlak (in Beirut, Lebanon and Amman, Jordan) - 'They Know We Are Christians'
Lebanese Christian compassion impresses Muslims during bloody conflict.


I found a couple MP3s of Arrah and the Ferns some time ago. I am playing them as I write this e-mail. This is catchy shit, yo. I particularly enjoyed the song, 'Emo Phillips'. The other one, 'Apple For Evan', is also good. [Thanks to Skatterbrain for the links.] Dig it!

My favourite singer-songwriter, Denison Witmer, has re-re-released his first album, Safe Away, with his new Are You A Sleeper? E.P. You can get one of the tracks, Postcard Song, at Songs:Illinois for the small cost of nothing. Then you can pop over to The Militia Group to purchase the album and check out the new version of 'Castle And Cathedral', Fred's favourite song from Are You A Dreamer?, with Rosie Thomas on vocals. The ideal of beauty captured on tape, my friends.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q. And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

[My favourite!]

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


A sick man turned to his doctor,as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?" the man asked.

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing. I know my Master is there and that is enough."


My friend, Whitney, is an elementary school teacher. She's also a great soccer player, drop-dead gorgeous babe armed with a full arsenal of barbed wit and a wonderful friend. She had a black eye last year and had her students write stories how she received the injury. Click on the picture to read the most entertaining one she forwarded to me.


Next time, I will post about our trip to New Jersey last weekend to witness the formal nuptials of Bill and Ronee Lynn and this past weekend with Rick and Lisa. Two weddings in two weekends. I state with full confidence in my sexuality and masculinity that I like weddings. A lot. I'm a hopeless romantic, believe it or not. Why else would I adore The Wonder Years and Freaks & Geeks, the music of Dashboard Confessional, Denison and Rosie as well as the films Almost Famous and Strange Brew? Tug the heart-strings enough and you might see a tear from your uncle Monkey Boy. Oh, go here for some more Bob & Doug stuff (including SCTV clips). Have a good week, you hosers!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I'm finally getting recognized for my comic genius

Or, at least, people are laughing at me for my stupidity and immaturity. A laugh is a laugh so I'll take it. See my brilliant, sharpened wit in one of the top five entries for Twitch's Science Of Sleep contest. I've only read positive reviews of this film and am looking forward to seeing it.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This goes out to Jeff Timko...

... who has been searching for himself on Google. Now, I am not sure if this is the Jeff Timko a.k.a. Omar Epps that I know. It may very well be. If so, I dedicate this post to you, my boy.

Jeff got into footbag a while back. To the uninitiated, it's merely hacky sack. To those footbag fanatics, that is foolishness and irreverence. Since I talk to Jeff approximately once a year, I didn't know he got some recognition for his physical activity of choice. Here's the newspaper article from his neck of the woods. The pictures aren't working, which sucks. Jeff is a very attractive man. In lieu of those, I will post another picture for your enjoyment. Lust away, ladies and gents!

That's Jeff (left) and Mike (not left). Max is lurking in the background, wondering when he's going to be in the spotlight. When you smell as nice as these boys, Max.

Jeff and Max are clearly enjoying the company of 'Sexy' Sandi Vandermark and 'Seductive' Sarah Schindler. [Insert growling/purring sounds here.]

Three boys who were some of my closest friends growing up. Jeff, Mike & Sean Vanderkooy, always making the ladies turn their heads. Dudes can check 'em out too.

And now, to leave you with one final photograph. Mike gave me tonnes of awesome pictures from my wedding. This is one of my favourites. Joel Hubick was a last-minute invitee. He came to Stoney Creek and did an internship at Paramount Drive Alliance Church and I was lucky enough to hang out with him just a few times. He was (and I'm sure continues to be) a killer dude. Since we have the same first name, he was 'Maverick' and I was 'Goose'. Play volleyball with us and we'll crush you. Anyhow, Maverick shared in our wonderful evening and was a ton of fun on the dancefloor. As you can see in the picture, he shares my passion for goofy poses in pictures. Thanks, Maverick, wherever you are. [Notice the always lovely Lorraine Conley kickin' it barefoot in the background.]

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Heretics and Killers

Bill dropped this bad boy in my lap. He was asking me about the band, Protest The Hero, as they are Canadian, apparently. I have heard the name but I don't move in metal circles so I'm not hip to them. He sent me the link to this video. The video kicks ass and the song sounds great. I love the crispness of the drums. Bang thy head!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

That's what friends are for

Aren't friends great? Always there with an encouraging word and making you feel better. As I was going through e-mails, and found a caring message from my friend, Matt. The story goes like this... I don't see Matt a lot so when we were talking, I told him that some other folks were talking about going to see the local football team, the Hamilton Tiger Cats, lose (they suck this year, like most years). Matt said to call him about it. I did - after we went to the game. I totally forgot he expressed interest in going and I didn't remember until the day of the game, after the tickets had been purchased. I felt horrible so I repeatedly verbally castigated myself, using the reference of 'jerk' most often in my apologies. Matt is a gracious man and offered this response to make me not feel as bad.

you are not a jerk. you are stupid. the difference is all in the intention. =)

Here's hoping you have friends as awesome as mine. Of course, you're probably my friend so it won't be me. However, you've got at least one 'friend' you can count on to forget you, ignore you and offer other forms of disrespect. Please accept my apologies in advance. I'm not a jerk. I'm stupid, just like Matt said.